"I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for His compassions never fail.
There are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.
I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for Him.'
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in Him,
to the one who seeks Him;
it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD."
--Lamentations 3:19-26
I am getting mixed signals from this world we live in. I'm kind of strange, if you haven't noticed, and the things that I feel called to in this world aren't the most normal either. I'll tell you a secret, though: I don't want to set out on this adventure alone. I don't fear being alone, I don't even think it'd be all that bad. I had a dream once, it wasn't very detailed, but I was with my husband, and the only thing I really remember was a feeling of being understood that I had never experienced before. There isn't much question in my mind that this day will come, but it's the getting there that confuses me.
God keeps on pushing me out into this wild world, daring me to run closer and closer to His heart...to make my home with the suffering, to find my joy and hope in sacrificing all I have for the sake of His children. But, what I am being shown by everything around me is that I have to be sweet and submissive and quiet, and, of course: very cute and pretty. I am all for loving and submitting to my husband, but the kind of life that God has called me to doesn't allow for the comforts that make us feel so safe here. Does that scare people? So many guys make quick judgements about me, making me out to be the perfect person to be in a relationship with, but once they begin to discover what I'm really about, they either feel inadequate or make my calling their own. I don't want that at all. I just want to join someone who is running after the same thing, regardless of me. If that takes 2 days or 20 years, I will do my best to wait on the LORD...to wait patiently for the man God created to be able to handle this crazy girl.
Lord, help me find joy in the waiting.
the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for His compassions never fail.
There are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.
I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for Him.'
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in Him,
to the one who seeks Him;
it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD."
--Lamentations 3:19-26
I am getting mixed signals from this world we live in. I'm kind of strange, if you haven't noticed, and the things that I feel called to in this world aren't the most normal either. I'll tell you a secret, though: I don't want to set out on this adventure alone. I don't fear being alone, I don't even think it'd be all that bad. I had a dream once, it wasn't very detailed, but I was with my husband, and the only thing I really remember was a feeling of being understood that I had never experienced before. There isn't much question in my mind that this day will come, but it's the getting there that confuses me.
God keeps on pushing me out into this wild world, daring me to run closer and closer to His heart...to make my home with the suffering, to find my joy and hope in sacrificing all I have for the sake of His children. But, what I am being shown by everything around me is that I have to be sweet and submissive and quiet, and, of course: very cute and pretty. I am all for loving and submitting to my husband, but the kind of life that God has called me to doesn't allow for the comforts that make us feel so safe here. Does that scare people? So many guys make quick judgements about me, making me out to be the perfect person to be in a relationship with, but once they begin to discover what I'm really about, they either feel inadequate or make my calling their own. I don't want that at all. I just want to join someone who is running after the same thing, regardless of me. If that takes 2 days or 20 years, I will do my best to wait on the LORD...to wait patiently for the man God created to be able to handle this crazy girl.
Lord, help me find joy in the waiting.
posted by My_Doxology at 11:56 PM
7 Comments:
Wow, what an amazing hope and prayer. The Lord is our portion.
"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for His compassions never fail.
There are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.
I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for Him.'"
Jenny,
Today I read, "A Grief Observed," by C.S. Lewis. Some people can't get past the sad tone, and the honesty of a man who is genuinely upset with God. I however found an elegant beauty in the depth of Lewis' love for his wife.
Your dream, where "only thing I really remember was a feeling of being understood that I had never experienced before," reminded me of some of his writing in this book because of the depth of connection that he had experienced.
I think you desire a worth while thing. I have to believe the waiting period is a formative time, refining our passions and giving us purpose in this life in God first... then, like you, I hope to look around and find someone who has been formed by the love of God in such a way that it will be an unexplainable connection.
i liked this post, i personally am extremely afraid of being alone which is why i am glad i have my family, additionally i am impressed by the fact that you have actually read lamentations most people get hostile when mention of the old testament is made. Being patient, or waiting is hard because our society is all about "THE NOW" having constant and instant gratification. it took me a long time to learn how to wait for God and I am still learning a lot of things.
What if you could better serve God and others through being single your whole life?
HOLLIFIELD YOU ARE SPEAKING ACU BLASPHEMY!!! THEY COULD KICK YOU OUT OF SCHOOL FOR SUCH TREACHOROUS REMARKS!!!!
Jenny, I am amazed by your mind. I also feel really bad that I have never gotten the chance to really talk to you in detail about this. Its either business or small talk.
But the reason why you feel confused is because you are listening to a different drummer. What ever you do, do not change this. You are going to be a powerful warrior of christ. Follow your heart. Wait for God. and you will get a better gift.
I have a lot of friends who are worried about timing and finding that person to confide in. Society tells us that you need to have someone to love. Jenny you already have that and are on the right path to understand it better.
Keep thinking. Keep asking. Keep praying. and most importantly never take your eyes off of your one true love.
O, and you better keep us posted this summer. You are going to have a great summer of being God's hands and heart.
Me praying for you white girl!
...how precious and beautiful you are...
it is evidenced by the love, compassion, and joy your friends have already shown you before me. i, too, have very much the same struggles...
a few years ago, my boss gave me something and last year i posted it on my blogsite...i forget it often, but i have it taped up in my apartment and when i remember it, i go and read it again and it helps...
if you'd like to read it, go here:
http://jojomagee.blogspot.com/2005/02/on-his-plan-for-your-mate.html
(i guess you'll have to copy and paste it in...sorry!...i'm not sure how to put links in comments)
blessings, my dear friend!!
The wonderful thing about life is that God has the power to change us, we adapt to each situation we are in, and we are a different person every single day because we are constantly learning and growing in Our Lord! The things that with which we struggle now may not be an issue in "2 days or 20 years" because of where God can bring us. The Point: be who you are in Christ Jesus RIGHT NOW. Just be who you are, love and serve Him and someday it will all fall into place!! Thank you for your thoughts!
-Erin (your sister-in-Christ who goes to summer camp with Alaina)
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