The question that has been hanging in my mind lately is:
Where do I stand in the tension between waiting and initiating?
Clearly, God calls us to wait patiently and peacefully in Him, but it is also very clear that Jesus calls us to a radical life of initiating change in this world.
Before last summer, I had this glorious vision of what my life in this world was going to look like. I was going to go boldly where no single woman had gone before. I was going to live in a grass hut in Africa, being the change that I wanted to see in this world. I was going to fight injustice until I couldn't fight anymore.
As some of you know, I spent last summer in Alajuela, Costa Rica, working in a nutrition center for kids who couldn't afford to eat. Being alone debilitated me. My feet were knocked out from under me, as was this glorious vision I had in my mind about my weeks in Costa Rica. It took me weeks to find my footing, and when I did, I realized that it wasn't all about this driving passion that pushes you to the edges of the world and back--it is simply about remaining in God. He took my naive images of justice away and showed me the reality of what He was calling me to. I couldn't provide these kids with a safe place to sleep at night. I couldn't take care of them after they left me everyday. All I could do was hold them and feed them and show them the best love that I knew. One child at a time. I finally realized that I couldn't save the world.
So, that is where I find myself now. My passion is not extinguished, but I am not the person I was before I left. I know that God is calling me to something that will bring justice to people who don't have a voice, whether it be refugees in Africa, the impoverished farmers in South America, or children with disabilities in America. I find great peace in knowing that God will complete this work He has begun in me; that this drive and passion that is being refined day by day will be used for good.
But, for now, I am waiting in God, and striving to live each day as I think Jesus would in these shoes of mine.
Where do I stand in the tension between waiting and initiating?
Clearly, God calls us to wait patiently and peacefully in Him, but it is also very clear that Jesus calls us to a radical life of initiating change in this world.
Before last summer, I had this glorious vision of what my life in this world was going to look like. I was going to go boldly where no single woman had gone before. I was going to live in a grass hut in Africa, being the change that I wanted to see in this world. I was going to fight injustice until I couldn't fight anymore.
As some of you know, I spent last summer in Alajuela, Costa Rica, working in a nutrition center for kids who couldn't afford to eat. Being alone debilitated me. My feet were knocked out from under me, as was this glorious vision I had in my mind about my weeks in Costa Rica. It took me weeks to find my footing, and when I did, I realized that it wasn't all about this driving passion that pushes you to the edges of the world and back--it is simply about remaining in God. He took my naive images of justice away and showed me the reality of what He was calling me to. I couldn't provide these kids with a safe place to sleep at night. I couldn't take care of them after they left me everyday. All I could do was hold them and feed them and show them the best love that I knew. One child at a time. I finally realized that I couldn't save the world.
So, that is where I find myself now. My passion is not extinguished, but I am not the person I was before I left. I know that God is calling me to something that will bring justice to people who don't have a voice, whether it be refugees in Africa, the impoverished farmers in South America, or children with disabilities in America. I find great peace in knowing that God will complete this work He has begun in me; that this drive and passion that is being refined day by day will be used for good.
But, for now, I am waiting in God, and striving to live each day as I think Jesus would in these shoes of mine.
posted by My_Doxology at 10:17 AM
3 Comments:
Hey Jenny,
I feel the tension you write about between waiting and initiating. This waiting period they call a job search is tiresome.
I have untapped potential just waiting to explode, but where, and how, and when will I get my chance?
I had an epiphany today when I realized that success in Jesus eyes is very different than my definition. The pressure I feel to bring a worthy income of my "talent" or to be a good steward and payback back loans are all a far cry from the life lived in relationship with the God who holds everything together by His Word.
That concept in and of itself is not my epiphany, but my epiphany was in the realization that all I can do in any place I am in is to grow and to serve others.
I get antsy a lot of time with all the time my hands. It is so easy for me to get caught up in the Discovery channel or sports and waste a lot of time that I could have spent learning something new, training my mind, getting to know and genuinely care for someone other than me.
Keep dreaming!
Jenny, that was a great post. Ok, that's all.
Hey Jenny,
I dont really know why but I stopped checking and reading all of my friends blogs. But today as I started to go down the list of all blogs your words hit me harder.
I think people who know understand the love and passion of God have your problem. We know why we are here on this earth and we only want to do that. But like my brother jred said God's measure of success is different.
People like us have to love one person at a time. We freely roam the earth guiding by God's wind which blows us from plain to plain.
Jenny I beg of you, never change your heart. Never loose your passion. and if you do I will beat you up.
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